Friday, December 24, 2010


I have decided that while I find all of you in blogland so inspirational....its time for me to stop comparing myself and do this journey by myself.

Even though I love reading all your posts and success's in weight just reminds me that I'm not having any. I am not feeing too happy and I'm trying to do anything that will help to bring me out of this funk. So until I am happy enough within myself to stop comparing myself to everyone else, I will be absent.

Weight loss isn't easy for anyone, but for some reason....its completley eluded me. Almost four months with a band and I have lost 2kg. I have 6mls in my band. Depression is eating my life up.

I look forward to reading about everyone's success's when I return in however long...3 months, 6 months, a year, who knows. Hopefully then I can feel genuinely happy for you guys instead of just feeling so jealous and wondering why I'm the only one out there whos a failure.

Thank you for the continued support you have all given me. I honestly wish everyone the best and I think you are all amazing. You are all changing your lives and its incredible.
Merry Christmas everyone.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

My explanation

I haven't posted in a week. I haven't even been online really at all. The reason honestly because I'm ashamed.

I see all your positive posts, I see how great the Lap Band is working for everyone else, and I feel to embarassed to post my own thoughts and dealings with the Band.

The truth is - the band isn't what I thought it would be so far. I'm worried I will fail. I'm worried I'll stay the way I am forever.

I'm only 20. I think I jumped the gun a little bit in getting the surgery. I don't regret it, because I really wanted it. But I'm just sad. I'm not sure I'm ready to give up food. I've only been overweight for 4 years. I'm still obsessed wth food. I simply love it. I know I have to decide what I want more :to be thin and healthy or the taste of food for one second?

But its a lot harder than just that. I'm not sure I have it in me, and I'm honestly ashamed. I feel like I'm the only one to ever fail with a lap band. So thats why I've been absent.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


I know I have been a horrible blog friend lately, I am so behind in reading and what not. I have a semi excuse - I had my wisdom teeth out and have been in bed since Wednesday.

Something happened this morning. I was sleeping in bed and I woke up with an indescribable amount of pain in my chest. Its a similar pain to what I get when I'm going to regurgitate because something is stuck in my band, but its so much worse I was so scared. It was eight am. At five thirty I had taken 2 panadol and 1 nerofen with a glass of milk because I was in a lot of pain in my mouth. I sat up for five minutes with that to make sure it went down. At seven am I was back asleep, and my mum came in my room to give me my antibiotic. I just took it with water and went back to sleep immediately. Then an hour later - BAM!!!

I tried lots of things. I got up and walked around, I drank milk, I tried water, then I tried forcing what ever it was down with half a piece of toast and some took about an hour before I was not crying. It was the most intense pain I've ever experienced in 20 years. All day I have felt like there is something in my oseophagus stuck still. Its not NEARLY as painful...but its just uncomfortable!!! I've drunk lots etc etc but I just have no idea what this is.

My friend with a band said it could be oseophagitis, inflammation of the osephagus but yeah. I just wanted to know what you guys thoughts was? Has this happened to anyone else?

Thank you in advance for any advice, it would be so appreciated!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Weight Gain :(

Even though I have been feeling a LOT of restriction in my band, somehow, overnight I have put on 2kg.

I KNOW I probably shouldn't weigh myself everyday....but I am now the weight I was at surgery. That depresses me end. Even though I have only lost 2 kg since surgery, at least that was something. And now I'm back to surgery date?

Its just not worth it. I feel like shit. Crap. I hate my life.

I'm going to go have my wisdom teeth out. Yay.