Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Thank God for Blog.

Well I had my first fill today. I was really hoping for a change but I don't feel a bit different. I now have 4ml in my band. I don't have any restriction still.

I just don't know what to do. I feel so sad. I feel like its my lot in life to have bad luck. Lap Band works for everyone else, how come it doesn't work for me?

I am now just sitting here on the couch eating chocolate and feeling sorry for myself. I always feel tired, but there is nothing wrong with me apart from Depression. I've thought for a long time that theres something seriously wrong with me and the Doctors are just missing it. I said this to my psychatrist and she said its not unusual to think that, and my fatigue is normal for Depression.

I'm sick of it. Sick of the Depression, the eating, the sadness, TAFE, feeling like my life is going to be this way forever. The only relief I get is from writing this Blog! On my way home from work tonight I was just crying and felt like shit, I almost had a car crash. I just thought: God I can't write to let this all out on my blog.


  1. I hope things get better for you. I am at a lost as to what else to say to make you feel better but I hope you do. Depression is such a crappy condition.

  2. I hope you feel better! It takes a few fills to get restriction and your "sweet spot". Until then, we have to make only the right choices. You can and will succeed. Hang in there chica!

  3. Sometimes the restriction kicks in in a few days....give it a chance. Honestly I feel often like I'm failing with the band too....I have restriction but weight isn't falling off. It's all a learning process. Don't give up!

  4. I see a couple of different things here but I totally promise you that when your depression is treated properly everything else will be so much easier to cope with. I've suffered badly myself and I know that I couldn't see myself as a normal person who deserved anything. I was a failure. Fullstop. My fog has lifted. Took a while but its lifted. Now, I didn't feel restriction until about my 4th fill. Even then, a week later I felt no restriction. I wish I wrote more about each if my fills so you can go back and read tjat none of us feel that restricted after our firstfill. Ask questions, read blows and know that the dismal feelings you ate feeling are relating to depression. The band has a journey take before it gets where it should be. Breathe. Get help (medication?). And trust in your band. In a little while it will feel like a distant memory. Xoxo

  5. Don't feel too bad Liz, it took me 3 fills to feel any real restriction. Just stick with it and know this is a marathon not a sprint :)

  6. I think it took me about 4 fills to get good restriction. It had to be about 4-5 months post banding to get to my sweet spot? Even now, I do have to fight the mental battle with food.

    I understand about depression - the black dog lives in my life too. :(

  7. sounds like a serious case of bandster hell.... with a double dose of depression to boot :( not nice and i really feel for you.

    it's strange - i am continually trying to prepare myself for whats going to happen after surgery and honestly i have no idea how i am going to cope emotionally and physically but i know that there is plenty of support here and i just want you to know you have that support too.

    i have heard that it can take a while to get to that elusive sweet spot and i have come up with a little ditty i will repeat over and over to myself sane (i stole it from finding nemo!) "just keep swimming!"

    we are all here for you :)

  8. Hey Liz. I'm so sorry to hear that you are so down. As the other girls have said, it can take a few fills before you feel that real restriction. I didn't feel any restriction immediately after the first fill, it was only 24 hours later that I really noticed a difference. Maybe you have some restriction now since writing this post? Mine has worn off heaps now though. And I've been a little piggy this week and will be surprised if I lose at all when I weigh in. I'll try harder next week!

    Depression just sucks, doesn't it! Everything is shit and grey and horrible and you feel tired and hopeless and worthless - all those 'less' words. Things can seem much worse than they really are. It won't go on forever though. There is loads of help out there. Even call lifeline (13 11 14) if you need. I called them heaps when I was sick, at all hours of the day and night.

    Oh babe, I hope you feel better soon. My heart breaks for you cos I so know how you feel. I hope you feel able to tell your psych everything so she can treat you the best way possible. There are lots of treatment options available and we are all here whenever you need to blog.


  9. Restriction is something that comes in time. I used to think it was stupid that it took so long but now I see there is a point and it IS just part of the process. Do you guys have the fill rules there?? B/c here we are supposed to be on liquids for 3 days before going back to regular food after a fill. And if you were following those guidelines then you wouldn't know HOW your restriction is yet if you JUST got a fill. So....make sure you are following the rules. If you are and you still have no restriction, know it'll come in time. If you eating FOOD right after a fill, you will find minimal success in breaking the rules. *hugs*