Sunday, October 31, 2010

Food Food Food

I'm eating to comfort myself. I can see it very clearly. I don't even have the energy to stop. I'm just feeling sad. My world isn't how I imagined it. I'm trying to change it. I have the appointment with a psychatrist tomorrow. I have a fill on Wednesday. My sister is going home to europe on Tuesday which is devestating. She lives there and I miss her so much all the time. I really don't know what to do about the boyfriend issue, I'm sure if I didn't have him no other man would ever want me.

And I saw a video of myself today and I thought 'God. That is NOT me. That CAN NOT be me. I'm so fat. So much fatter than I realised. And I have had lap band surgery. No difference. Wow. This sucks. I know the answer lies in how much I'm eating. But I can't make myself stop. Blah. I wish I could write about something good for once. I think I'm going to make myself write about something good tomorrow.


  1. oh Liz cheer up hun
    I know it's hard, at any age, but especially at our age
    We don't deserve to have to deal with all this crap
    But things will get better!
    Right now I am having so much trouble with my band, I'm at the point where I really don't care if I gain 10kg I just want to be able to eat without any problems
    And about the bf issue, seriously if you aren't happy then I think you should move on
    Don't torture yourself by staying in a relationship that's not working just because you are afraid. You will find someone, everyone does one day!
    Hope you feel better soon xx

  2. Unfortunately I understand. Even now that I've lost quite a bit of weight I see myself as fat. I even put on my "fat pants", the size 26 cargo pants, and looked at how much room there was in there, and all I could see, even though I'm in size 18 pants now, was my belly flab and love handles.

    It's a mental battle. One I often fail. I emotional eat a LOT.

    I wish I had a magic answer for you, but at least you have company.

    AlyceJo I want to tell you IT DOES GET BETTER. I was the other way, too loose for ages. Took me months to get to the green zone.

  3. "I know the answer lies in how much I'm eating"...

    Maybe it's not. Maybe the answer lies in your self talk. Start there and the eating will come into line. Also, please don't beat yourself up, when our hormones are a bit scu-whiff we can eat like a crazy person. I have seen many bandsters talk about feeling out of control when they haven't been restricted to their 'green' zone. Maybe go easy on yourself until you feel like you have had enough fills to feel that satisfaction.

    It's all a big, related circle really isn't it?

    You are beautiful. You need to hear it.

  4. Hi Liz. Sorry to hear you have been feeling so shit. How'd you go with the new psych the other day? I hope they are helping you to get in a more positive frame of mind. I think Candid Bandit is right, self talk is important. I know when I am feeling really down all I want to do is self sabotage and eat myself silly.

    Tomorrow is your first fill and I think you will totally notice a difference and begin to feel more positive again with the restriction you get.

    Please go easy on yourself! The weightloss will happen... as Rachael Hunter famously once said, "it might not happen overnight but it will happen".

    Sending hugs through the bandwith...


  5. Ahhhh, I got ONE thing to say Missy!!!! Listen up! I have no clue what's going on on the boyfriend front but I pray I never again hear you say "nobody else will want me" again!!! That is a lie, hurtful, and you just treatin yourself like pure shit! You are young, you ARE beautiful and you have to and will, learn to see yourself for who you truly are. I don't know what bf did, but just end it! It'll hurt but you will survive. And alone time to sort out emotions and feelings, never hurt anybody!