So I went to the doctor today. She said I havne't done any damage, just stick to mushies. Well...we will see how that goes. I also asked her to check me over because I have been feeling so unwell lately, and I have tonsilitis too! And I'm allergic to penicillin so I have to have this new weird antibotic and just...its all annoying.
I haven't been to TAFE this week because I've been feeling so off. My head isn't above water anymore...I don't know how much longer I'll last at TAFE. I hate even thinking about it.
Food/band related. Well. I really want to use a swear word right now.
Apparently I have 3mls in my band already!!! The doc looked at my surgery notes and she said the band was apparently loose in surgery so they put 3mls in. I CERTAINLY can not feel anything. And I asked if I could get a fill earlier and she said no, I had to wait for 6 weeks to heal properly. Thats fair enough...but I'm worried I'll pile weight on.
I had lost 5kg since surgery. I have put on 1.5kg. What an amazing failure I am huh.
You know what gets me down the most? I don't have the energy to make the effort. I can't be bothered to care about what I eat. Honestly...I just don't care. Yes I would LOVE to be slim and happy...but I've done diets. I've tried healthy eating. I hate it all. I JUST want to feel full. I really do. And I want to feel full from a small amount. I know I should be watching what I eat but I am so exhausted with life right now...its not first on my list.
I'm so tired. I'm so sad. I'm so lost. I'm wondering when life will sort itself out. How come some people get to sail through life, and others find it so hard? I just don't think I'll ever be normal.